What makes people attractive? Ask people to name a person they see as a witch or a magnet, and the answers will often be predictable. For example, James Bond, the fictional spy, may also mention Oprah Winfrey, Bill Clinton, or a historical figure, such as Pastor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., or Mahatma Gandhi. Now, ask the people themselves to describe – in just a few seconds – what makes these charming people so admired.
Gravity and the answers will often be predictable, for example, James Bond, the fictional spy, and they may also mention Oprah Winfrey, Bill Clinton, or a historical figure, such as Pastor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., or Mahatma Gandhi. Now, ask the people themselves to describe – in just a few seconds – what makes these charming people so admired.
Here, specifically, when we talk about defining what is “charisma” specifically, the problem arises. We instinctively know that we are attracted to certain people more than others, but to know why we love them is a completely different matter.
According to the New York Times, the ancient Greeks described charisma as a “grace from God,” which is appropriate if you think that being able to impress others is a natural gift God has given to others, but the truth is that charisma is an acquired behavior. A skill that needs to be developed just as we learned to walk or practice vocabulary when studying a new language. Other desirable traits, such as wealth or physical appearance, are undoubtedly linked to gaining the admiration of others.
What makes people attractive?
Despite all the effort to figure out the charisma or gravity measures of people, which experts have studied over the centuries – including Plato and others who have spoken with us to prepare this article – there are still many unknowns, however, there are two undeniable facts.
The first is that we are attracted to some people in what is almost supernatural, especially for those we love. Although this is not always the case, we can also easily attract charismatic scoundrels.
The second fact is that we are so bad when it comes to knowing the real reason why these people are so attractive. If we go beyond superficial things – like a nice smile or the ability to tell a good story – only a few of us can determine why charismatic people are so attractive.
Perhaps it is a matter of our biological evolution. As a human species, innate instinctive feelings often lead to things that are often described as latent internal feelings. Others. It is a necessary skill that allows all mammals to assess the intent of others by constantly examining things such as body language, frequency of speech, and precise movements that may be threatening.
John Antonakis, professor of organizational behavior at the University of Lausanne in Switzerland, notes that charisma in its simplest form is the process of converting information into signals. “Basically, charisma relates to signaling information in a symbolic and emotional way based on value, so charisma signals are about using either verbal – related to what they say – or non-verbal techniques,” he said.
By comparison, what Dr. Antonakis described is essentially a simpler version of the hit-and-run response. But rather than hit or run, we make very small decisions about whether the person who asks for our attention deserves it.
What makes people attractive?
The three pillars of charisma and how to practice each
Olivia Fox Caban, a charisma trainer and author of The Charisma Myth, says we can cut charismatic behavior into three pillars.
The first pillar of existence is to be present during moments of communication. When you find your attention intensifies while talking to someone, get your attention back by focusing on yourself. Be aware of the sounds in your surroundings, your breath, and the delicate sensations in your body, the tingling that starts at your toes and radiates across your body.
The second pillar is power, which involves breaking down the barriers you impose on yourself rather than achieving a higher status. It is about lifting the stigma that comes with the success it has already achieved. Remember the so-called “Dajjal syndrome”, the fear that you are not worthy of where you are, and the higher your status, the more you feel.
The basis of this pillar is to remove self-doubt, assure yourself that you belong to where you are and what your skills and emotions are valuable and interesting to others. But it is easier said than done.
The third pillar is warmth, which is increasingly difficult to manufacture. This pillar requires that you radiate a certain kind of vitality that indicates kindness and acceptance. It is the feeling you may have from a close relative or friend, which is difficult, especially given that those who excel in charisma are People evoke this feeling in the hearts of others, even if they have just met.
To perfect this pillar, Caban suggests imagining someone you feel warm and affection about, and then focus on what you enjoy most about your shared communication. You can do this before interacting with people, or in short periods while listening to someone else talking. Kaban says that this can change the body’s chemistry in seconds, making even the most introverted individuals among us show the kind of warmth associated with highly attractive people.
Look from the top
Looking at the three pillars, it turns out that the most attractive people you know on a personal level have achieved great success in one, or perhaps two, traits. But very few have mastered the three.
Dr. King, for example, showed mastery in each of these pillars, placing him in the rare classification that Kaban calls “perfect charisma”.
If this is the top of the pyramid, when it comes to charisma, the following three examples will be somewhere in the middle.
Steve Jobs, Apple’s co-founder, showed his mastery of the power pillar and demonstrated outstanding mastery of the charisma of the audience. However, according to his daughter Lisa Brennan Jobs, in her 2018 memoir “ Small Fry ”, he lacked warmth. Tesla’s CEO, Elon Musk, also lacks warmth. He is a classic introvert who compensates for his lack of that skill by perfecting the audience and above-average strength.
According to Kaban, Jobs is best rated as a person with “charisma of power,” while Misk has “charisma of focus.”
There are people like Emilia Clarke, who starred in HBO’s “Game of Thrones” episodes. The low power.
This is nothing more than a general picture of the matter. But what is important here is that charisma is not something unique, but it is better to think about it the same way you think about intelligence, for example: achieving high grades in mathematics and science is a reference to intelligence, and so is the mastery of art or music. Trying to compare an intelligent person to another only leads to more confusion, and the same can be said of charisma.
What makes people attractive?
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If you’re looking for a good starting point to be more loved, Dr. Antonakis suggests telling stories.
He says the most attractive people around you are those who speak fluently and provide material for conversation through the ideal use of anecdotes and comparisons. They do not recount the events, but they rewrite the work while using lively facial gestures, body language, and sound effects to frame the key points of their conversation. They are experts in the use of moral beliefs and the reflections of the group’s sense, as well as their skill in employing questions, even those rhetorical questions that involve people in the discussion, in short …
In fact, one topic that comes to mind when speaking to experts in charisma – a question is immediately known to anyone who has taken a public speaking course or sat at a Toastmasters educational meeting – is that the most attractive people are often the most influential speakers on the audience.
But charisma goes beyond reducing it to an engaging speaker that engages the audience, and charismatic people are loved not only because they can tell a good story, but also because of the feeling they leave in others. Distracting factors, making those who interact with them feel as if time has stopped and that they are more important. They make people feel comfortable with themselves, making them return to interact with these attractive people in the future or extend the range of current interactions, and this only happens if they enjoy these moments.
The quickest way to have a greater chance of getting admired is to start and practice, and it starts at home, by removing your self-doubt and replacing it by focusing on being an active participant in conversations and interactions with others.
From that point on, it will take more than accepting more social invitations, joining public speaking classes (or a local group such as Toastmasters), and continuing to look for ways to show your strengths while leaving behind your weaknesses. Each interaction gives you an opportunity to practice, study and employ new strategies.
It is much like learning any other skill, sometimes it will go well and often will not work, especially at first. But if you think that charisma is a tree you climb when you acquire skill, each training session will be just a way to learn many ways to accomplish your goal.